Friday, June 02, 2006

Two Ways To Get Me To Turn Off Your Radio Station

1) Play a Violent Femmes song.  In fact, why don't you go ahead and play one that begins with an irritating a capella wail ("Add It Up")?  Cause I just love starting my morning with whiny singing voices.  When I can't get the sound of babies getting crushed in the teeth of engine gears, I like having Violent Femmes songs as my Plan B.  Is there any way I can put his voice into my alarm clock?

2) Five simple words... Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.

But this is more than an excuse to bitch about Pinch Your Cheeks Say Nnnnnnngh.  See, the actual occurrence of #1 this morning made me realize why I hate Shithead's voice so much.  It isn't just because he sings like a retarded version of David Byrne... it's because he ruins the Byrne affectation by mixing in the Femmes' Gordon Gano and his deeply unpalatable affectation.  Eureka!  I've reverse-engineered the biggest music-critic sucker's-bet of the new century!

See, I like David Byrne.  He makes his singing voice work, because it comes in so many flavors and has such dexterity.  He works hard to sell it to you.  That hard work is a big reason for the acceptance of Talking Heads' visionary overall sound.  Thus, to compare Fuckface's incompetent, lazy affectation to Byrne's highly-skilled one is inappropriate.  It necessarily reflects Byrne's genius upon someone with no such genius.  Furthermore, the Byrne connection always made me wonder whether my objection to Asshole was just a matter of assimilation, of becoming accustomed to his grating sound.  I no longer have to worry about that; I hate the Violent Femmes, so acknowledging Taintbag's equally-viable similarity to Gano saves me from all that self-doubt.

Nice to know that even though the day started on a downer, it gave birth to a big relief.  Yippee!!!

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