Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Krampus, The Christmas Monster

So, I've been a bad blogger of late.  No posts in four weeks, and only five since the beginning of August.  I've slipped into the same trap that all casual bloggers fall into: the No Obligation To A Regular, Paying Readership Trap.

Not that nothing's been happening.  I've been telling everyone about this enormous blog post I have brewing, concerning my recent relocation to Boston.  How it's an escape from the music reviews, Dick In A Box jokes, and other stupid links that usually litter the landscape around these parts.  But the post has become clogged up.  The works have been gummed.  It currently discusses things that happened "yesterday," in reference to October 5th.  It's kind of a shame... I was hoping I could use a more substantial, personal post to signal my return from blogging obscurity.

But no.  Here's a stupid link.

The speaker below is Spencer Krug of Wolf Parade, Sunset Rubdown (the subject of the link), and more side projects than you have fingers to count them with.  In reference to Sunset Rubdown's latest album art:

Pitchfork: What is on the back cover [of Random Spirit Lover]?

SK: Oh, that's the monster.

Pitchfork: Obviously.

SK: That's Krampus. In Austria, at Christmas they have Santa Claus, but he's also followed by Krampus, who kind of beats children on the head if they're bad, and I think if I remember correctly, if they've been really bad, puts them in a basket and takes them away.

And I read an article [about the tradition], and if you look at pictures in Austria around Christmas, way more people are running around in costume dressed as this thing. And, like, partying, hanging around fires. And the costumes get really elaborate. So you can imagine being five years old, and being taught that this thing is going to come get you, and having the people chasing after you--

Pitchfork: That really changes the meaning of Christmas.

Krampus.  For those scoring at home, the question was "but... what about the children???" and Austria's answer was "have a horned freak hit them on their heads."  I'm just stunned that the people who brought you Hansel and Gretel and the Pied Pedophile also came up with a Christmas monster who puts misbehaving children in fucking baskets.

Don't let my sarcasm deceive you.  I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more Krampus.  The Venture Bros. is a start, but let's actually get him signed to a multi-year personal services contract.  Once he signs, the other companions of Saint Nicholas will follow, and hell will rain down on all the children of America.  Please, God, send your humble servant Krampus to our shores, as was prophesied in the book of Mark: "and God did so love the world, that He gave his only Krampus. / And lo did Krampus beateth the shit / out of those begotten by the meek."

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