Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Don't Drop The Chaloogie

As a one-time Taco Bell employee, I often find myself defending the store and its workers from ludicrous accusations.  Did you ever take a DUMP in the BEANS???  No, and nobody jacked off in the sour cream or put boogers in the guacamole either.  Is it just me, or is Taco Bell an easy target for this kind of thing?  Somehow they're the exclusive distributor of non-sterile cuisine, all because refried beans has a particular consistency and color.  What could prevent someone at Burger King from wiping his ass with your Whopper bun?  Nothing!  And yet people have attitudes about Taco Bell.

From my end, I witnessed just one incident of food tampering in two years.  A fellow employee questioned the order I took for a Mexican Pizza with no tomatoes.  I explained that the customer said he was allergic to tomatoes.  So my friend rolled his eyes, and motioned for me to watch as he embedded a single tomato chunk within a gigantic hunk of shredded cheese, and steamed the pizza.  What mischief!  My point is that the more grandiose tales of food tampering are apocryphal.

Of course, when something actually does happen, it ruins my argument.  A Stafford, Virginia teenager and Taco Bell employee is currently facing ten years in prison for spitting in a customer's iced tea.  While I'm excited to learn that "adulteration of food" is a felony offense, I'm less excited when I consider how bad this makes Taco Bell look.  I should point out that many fast food restaurants have been known to serve beverages, and any or all of them could pop a loogie in your Hawaiian Punch.  But still, this could end up validating all those turd-in-the-beans stories.  Let's hope not.

1 comment:

  1. The good news is, since the guy says he stopped eating fast food, she may actually have done him a big favor. In 30 years when he doesn't die from a heart attack, he'll be thanking her.