OH NOES TEH AQUA TEENS ARE BOMBS!!!

I would love to discuss the bomb threat at the length it deserves.  Unfortunately, the process of rebutting the Boston media and the mentally-handicapped elected officials from Massachusetts has left me literally shaking with rage.  Today, I am ashamed to come from Boston.  Since it may never see the light of day, here's the short version.  (Yes, this is the short version.)

The advertising campaign (not a hoax, which implies intent to fool, of which there is none) was brilliant.  Not irresponsible, not asinine, not even remotely in questionable taste... just ingenious.  And really, really funny.

The reaction from the city, and the seriousness with which the situation was treated, is as close to real-life satire as you can get.  The outrage exhibited by local media types and politicians has been laughable.  Their hideous attempts to insist that this is unfunny only makes the whole fiasco that much funnier.  Any more of this petty, shameful grandstanding from Gov. Deval Patrick, Rep. Ed Markey and Mayor Mumbles Menino and I might have an asthma attack from laughing so hard in their idiot faces.

Here's where it stops being funny: two guys are sitting in jail right now, because nobody gets the joke.

Aside from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, that is the most disgusting thing that has ever happened in the name of 9/11.  Some poor bastards posted ADVERTISEMENTS that were misinterpreted by the police... "misinterpreted" meaning THE POLICE WERE WRONG!!!!!!!!... and the guys who put up the signs get put in jail!  For no legitimate reason beyond petty revenge and politically-driven outrage.  As Jim Ross would say, that is just sick.

Not one person has come forward and acknowledged what I consider to be the truth of the situation: that nobody is at fault, and that nothing should have happened any differently than it did.  Everyone's too busy trying to blame someone.  Meanwhile, the poor guys who posted the signs are locked up because Mumbles Menino has a hair across his ass.  Shame on him.  And shame on the rest of the government for not even acknowledging their own role in this mess.  And people wonder why young people don't show an interest in politics!

Here's another interesting thing: haven't we Dazzling Urbanites been trained to expect this sort of thing from back-woods country towns?  Ol' Herm sees a suspicious DHL package and calls in the sheriff, yelling "It's the Al Qaedas!!!"  So the sheriff locks up the delivery guy the next day, until they open the package and find a bunch of ladies' undergarments meant for the town schoolteacher.  And we coastal folks would laugh and laugh... "oh those backwards redneck hicks, aren't they foolish" and so forth.  Well, not so fast, because that's pretty much what happened yesterday in Boston, Massachusetts.  The Athens of America.  One of our country's most sophisticated and intellectual cities.  That's a touchdown for Rural America, my friends, and the PAT is good.  Rurals 7, Boston 0.

I would love to link to the stories that have so infuriated me.  I'd love to show you the picture of the two "defendants" laughing in court.  I'd love to illustrate the deeply sickening bias in the media's portrayal of this entire story, from bigwig traditional media like the Globe and the Herald to wannabe-reputable blogs like Bostonist.  But linking to these sites would only help them perpetuate their view of the story, a view that I consider to be not just wrong but far more irresponsible in nature than anything the Turner people have been accused of.  Besides, I don't want anyone else to get pissed off... nobody should ever be as livid as I am right now.

More later, if I get my shit together.