Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Homework Assignment

Your task is to construct a three-person Boat Race team from any movie.  The restrictions are as follows:

* The characters must be live-action humans (Godzilla's illegal) with no help from prosthetics or fat suits (Mr. Creosote from The Meaning Of Life)
* They must be at their normal size during the boat race (no picking, for lack of a better example, the enormous baby from "Honey, I Blew Up The Kid")

The obvious choices I came up with are:

1. Super Troopers [Mack, Farva, O'Hagen]
2. Old School [Frank The Tank, Blue, and the fat kid]
3. Snatch [Mickey, Tyrone, and Bullet-Tooth Tony]
4. Bad Santa [Santa, the midget, and Bernie Mac]
5. Leaving Las Vegas [Nic Cage chugs all three]
6. Strange Brew [The MacKenzies and their father]

Actually, I don't think Team Strange Brew can be beaten.  Who could actually compete with them? Maybe this won't be as fruitful a discussion as I thought.


  1. Dude - where's Thorny in the Super Troopers team? Did you see him chug that bottle of maple syrup?

    Besides, then it could be Team Ramrod.

  2. True, but that's a considered decision on my part. I weighed several factors into the equation:

    1. Did you see Farva knock back those Schlitzes? Far more impressive than the maple syrup.
    2. Did you see Mack knock back those shots? Far more impressive than the maple syrup.
    3. Did you see O'Hagen is Irish? Far more impressive than the maple syrup. I suppose if the boat race happened after the end of the movie O'Hagen would've been gone, but the smart money says the Irishman will out drink the Mexican.

  3. Funny idea jeff. And funnier that I instantly thought of Godzilla. Glad you ruled that one out (but can you ever truly rule out Godzilla? One does that at one's peril).

    I go with Nic Cage. I don't see the strange brew guys as real speed guys, though they've got the edge in competitive spirit- though that would come out best if they boat raced each other (Rick Moranis wins in a landslide). Besides, just at the start of the race, Elizabeth Shue (Sera) flashes her tremendous boobies at the competition. Contest over.

  4. See, I disagree with that. Nobody can deny that the MacKenzies have an uncanny volume-drinking capacity. I mean, Bob consumed an entire vat of beer in a matter of minutes... why would that not translate into prompt consumption of a single beer? There's no evidence to suggest that they haven't got the complete array of drinking skills (speed, volume, pee spray distance) so to me it's more than a mere leap of faith to think they'd dominate.

    Also, let's not underestimate Dad... there were lots of empties in that kitchen. And that behavior had to have come from somewhere. They live at home and whatnot, so whether it's nature or nurture, Dad is responsible for their talents one way or another.

  5. plus, they have their dog as an alternate. Ok, I put them as the #1 seed, but still say they waver at the sight of boobies.